The Never-Ending Sickness

When I was a little girl I would get colds that would always lead to bronchitis. A common cold would cause me to bark like a dog with every cough. It always sounded so much worse than it was and the doctors always loaded me up with medicine until I was healthy again.

As an adult, not much changed, I was diagnosed with asthma which was believed to be the cause of my bark-l;ike coughs that accompanied every illness I encountered.

More recently, I was diagnosed wtih "seasonal allergies" which made the bark-like coughing even more horrific as I'd also have a congested head and frequently no available airway during a coughing fit.

I've tried so many different inhalers, pills, breathing treatments, it's frustrating nothing works.

I have been sick for over a month now, though only the last week and a half have been really bad.

I am sick fo being sick.

The stuffiness, the draining, the congestion, the pain, the aches, the tightness, the sleepless nights, the exhausted body, headaches, inability to eat, inability to breathe, I am so done with it...

I want a cure.

I heard on the radio about bio-energy healing and though I am not a huge believer in all the holistic healing methods that exsist, but I am to the point where I would consider trying anything.

We can promptly get your energy flowing freely through your body, mind and spirit from the inside out. Using only natural energy healing techniques, we effectively rebalance your body's energy flow, rejuvenating and transforming both you and your circumstances.

The basis is bang-on... stress gets you stuck and prevents your body from recovering promptly from illness. I know I have a horrible immune system as evident by the length of time I remain sick.

I also know that having pre-exsisting conditions (asthma and allergies) I get far MORE sick when I would usually just get a little bit sick.

Furthermore, I work with a lot of people and children who are basically disease carrying bodies spreading their germs to me.

Lastly, I take on far too much which meand I am usually stressed, busy and NOT resting... not a good equation for staying healthy.

So this combination of getting sick worse than average, longer than average, more often than average and basically having "being sick" as part of my regular lifestyle is not cool!

I need a change.

Any suggestions I am open too - leave a comment or email me !

Pre-St Pats Day Party

I posted this at Martini-Mandy but what the heck I have different readers at different places...

Pre Saint Patrick's Day Party this Saturday was a blast.....

I ran my annual Pre-St. Patty's Day Event Saturday Evening and it was pretty awesome. We had lowe numbers than usual but it made it more intimate. Everyone got jello shooters, a St Pat's tiara or hat, leprechauns gold coins (Chocolate) and VIP access to four venues in downtown Vancouver.

We started off at Blarney Stone in gastown for some Irish fun. They recently renovated and it looks really great inside. Our Emcee, Kyle, ran some activities for our group as well as others in the pub enjoying Green Beer and Traditional irish food.

After lot's of drinks and games we hopped on a bus and headed to Shark Club where we ate, drank and enjoyed the Canucks game and the boxing match on several flatscreens.

The Irish Activities continued and we gave away a bunch of cool prizes.

Our third stop, most were tipsy or beyond and we shook our botties on the dance floor at Au Bar. There were some models there in angels outfits, one of them was Brandi from Canada's Next Top Model. (On the right)

Our last stop was Gossip Night Club where we rolled up and gained VIP access and immediate entry to the club. Everyone had an amazing night and since I have been fighting a cold for about a week I headed home instead of dance the night away.

Overall it was a great time as always and I just wish I wasn't getting sick.

St. Patrick's Day is on Wednesday this week so I may go for my traditional Once a Month Wednesday that I have been neglecting for so long.... mechnial bull riding and 5 cent wings at Roosters... we shall see.

Paper Bag Princess

Remember this story? Paper Bag Princess by Robert Munsch.

Here is a summary of the plot from Wikipedia:

Princess Elizabeth was planning on marrying Prince Ronald, who was practically perfect. Then along came a dragon, which destroyed her kingdom, kidnapped Ronald, and burned all her clothes so that she had no choice but to wear a paper bag. She tracked down and outwitted the dragon. She challenged the dragon to burn forests with fire and to fly around the world. The dragon completes the tasks but after flying around the world a second time becomes tired and falls asleep. Elizabeth then saves Ronald. He didn’t even thank her and told her to come back to rescue him when she looked more princessy. Then Elizabeth realized what a bum Ronald was, told him off, and went off to live her own life.

Robert Munsch is genius.

As a child, I read this story wondering why the Prince didn't thank the Princess. Why didn't she make him?

I didn't understand the significance of this story until I was an adult who had loved and lost and conformed and rebelled and finally, figured out (mostly) who and what I was all about.

As a kid, Princess Elizabeth lost all her belongings, fought a fight, outwitted a dragon, saved her true love all for ... well... nothing!

As an adult, I can see now it wasn't for nothing, it was for something most important...

Independence and the realization that a women needs to be alone and put her self number one to discover and grow and learn.

Also... never settle for a bum!

- - - - - - - - -

I had a few boyfriends in highschool and a few in college. There were a few bums, well, there were a lot of bums, though I didn't realize it at the time. I was always very dependent on my boyfriend and in highschool especially felt like I always NEEDED a boy in my life. I had more crushes than I can count and more boyfriends, however short-lived, than I care to recall. There was always this driving force in me that made me BELIEVE I actually NEEDED to have a boyfriend....

Besides all the small, short, temporary relationships I've had three "major" relationships ("major" to me is about 3+ years long) though there was another relationships that lasted a number of years on and off which also meant a lot to me...

We met when I was 16 and became penpals instantly. Soon that developed into more and we always thought life would lead us to "the inevitable conclusion" which was us together. It was long distance and therefore impossible to maintain at 17, despite cross country trips on semester breaks, but we remained great friends (and frequently more) for years.

The last time I saw him was a few years ago and things had changed.

Where once, no matter where we were in our lives, our hearts connected and while reunited it was like no time had passed... now... he was dating his best friend from highschool and felt like the next "reasonable" step was getting married... and having kids... which he did, with her, not me.

To be fair, at this time I was single, with a young daughter of my own and no plans to move to where he was, even if he asked me... our paths separated.

- - - - - - - - -

As for the "major" relationships I can summarize them briefly:

1 - Met and fell in love, had awesome time together, were like best friends, wanted different things, ultimately separated ways on horrible terms. He left me while I was pregnant and alone and lost.... He reappeared when our daughter was 4 years old wanting to have a relationship with her.

2 - Met and fell in love, had a turbulent relationship of extreme up's and down's, crazy fun but terrible fights. He had demon's he could not overcome and ultimately we separated ways. I hoped he could figure himself out and get healthy, instead, he got worse and passed away.

3 - Met and fell in love very quickly, got married and experienced a very stressful year of firsts (dating, married, living together, family, etc.) We will have been married three years in May and though we have our up's and down's we ultimately click. We have many similarities and many differences but we have what matters most... Love... and with that we believe we can accomplish, overcome and resolve any and all issues.

There's my love life in a nutshell... though there are other important relationships I had that taught me much about myself and helped me understand, these are the four that are most significant.

It wasn't until I experienced these good and bad relationships that I could fully appreciate being single and alone. I was a single mom but I was in university, I was working, I had great friends who supported me and I was independent and strong.

I was a mother and a student and a friend and I was HAPPY!

I learned more about myself and how strong and amazing I was. I realized how much I could overcome and accomplish without help from any man or relationship.

I discovered who I was and who my true friends were.

I found happiness was in ME and not in who I was dating.

It took a while, but I got there and then, I met my husband.

It wasn't until I could stand alone happily and willingly that I could be a part of a successful relationship.

- - - - - - - - -

Saying I've experienced my own share of love and heartache feels like an understatement, however, I doubt I'm much different than any other woman nearing 30.

Loved and Lost.... Discovered and Grown.... Lived and Experienced....

I feel like too often women put their ability to be happy in the hands of other men and relationships, when in fact, the only way to find a healthy, truly worthy spouse is to first find a happy, healthy you.

If you are co-dependent or rely too much on others, you can never truly be aware of how amazing you are all on your own!

Of course I couldn't realize this in highschool as I went through dozens of Prince Ronald's... it took time, pain and heartache to learn... but it was the only way.

- - - - - - - - - -

So now, reading Paper Bag Princess to my own daughter who is 6, I am enlightened in a way I wish I had seen as a child and I hope my daughter can see when her time comes....

Women don't need happiness in a man or a relationship. They need to find it in themselves.

Princess Elizabeth lost all her fancy clothes and wore only a paper bag, but she was beautiful and strong and smart and even though Prince Bum didn't care... it didn't matter.

She was beautiful!

Find strength on your own.

Find happiness.

Find you!

Andrew Koenig Found Dead in Vancouver - Depression and Suicide

When news spread that Andrew Koenig, most known for his role as "Boner" on "Growing Pains" was missing in Vancouver, I felt a connection to the story because he was in my city.

When his parents arrived in Vancouver to help search for him, I worried of what they may find.

Today's news of his death, however, hit closer to home than anticipated. Although the story hinted at the outcome.... He gave away his possessions, was depressed, quit his medications, left his hometown to see friends in Vancouver, disappeared on February 14th, missed his flight home, had no cell phone or credit card activity after the 16th.... there was still that glimmer of hope.... it is the Olympics, perhaps he was just partying it up, or ... something...

Today official word came in that he was found dead in Stanley Park. He had committ suicide.

- - - - - - - - -


Last week one of my best friends found out her ex husband was found dead. It's true, he had done a lot of awful things and they were divorced for a very good reason, but the bottom line was, his demons got the best of him.

Although I very rarely cared much for him, there was a time that I enjoyed his company and he made my friend very happy. They were married, had children and at one time... a happy life.

Now, however, he is gone.... poor decisions and tragedy led him on a path which ended his life.

Losing everything, the death of his sister in a tragic drinking and driving accident, alcohol abuse, divorce... all stepping stones on his path of depression...

It hits hard.

One reason this hits so close to home is because of a loss I suffered three years ago.

Wow.

Three Years...Just saying it is strange. I can't even believe it has been that much time....

Like my friend's ex husband, my ex also made poor decisions and ran from demons he could not overcome... ultimately leading to his death.

Though neither of these men's deaths are classified as "suicide" the loss of their lives was due to suicidal behaviours... self-inflicted wounds - emotionally, psychologically and physically.

We all go through difficult times. I don't know many people who haven't thought "why?" or "what if?"

Life is hard...

But, sadly, some make poor decisions and instead of finding ways to improve life, change bad situations or overcome obstacles, they create worse problems through use of drugs, alcohol, stopping medications, and so on.

Depression sets in and it sets in hard.

People think if you are depressed, you go get better.... meds, talks, hugs, sun, smiles... cheer up!

It isn't that easy.

A friend recently connected Cancer and Depression as both being illnesses that kills.

I can see where she is coming from.

People don't look at depression as being deadly.

But it is!

Sometimes the depression, or the demons as I often refer to them as, get the better of you and you let go... you escape, you stop trying, you stop caring, you stop living.... you kill yourself, be it slowly through alcohol and pills or quickly with a blade and too much blood....

Sometimes depression wins.

It is sad. It is true.

Death is sad. Essential, inevitable, but still sad.

Those who are left behind question why? What if? how?

They cry, they mourn, they question, they deal....

And then... they go on with living.... eventually... some sooner than others...

- - - - - - - - -

The news of Andrew Koenig's death upset me far more than I imagined, it flooded my mind with past memories and experiences forcing them to resurface.

Thoughts of my friend's ex husband's final moments, memories of my ex's last living days.... pain, knowing what they were living through, sadness knowing they couldn't be saved, then.... at some point, a moment of acceptance... that they found peace.... that they are no longer struggling, fighting, haunted with the demons of their life.

- - - - - - - - -

To RG:


& To LL:




& to all those we have loved & lost...

Forever Loved
Never Forgetten

R.I.P.

Music in the Moment

So I attended the Free Our Lady Peace Concert and it reminded me of just how much a song can take you back to an exact moment in time...

I've never been great with numbers and the past few years my memory has become even worse with dates and facts from the past... however, I can almost always place a song simply because of the memory it invokes in me.

Certain lyrics, beats, artists, songs just take me to a place I once was, so vividly that it almost feels real...

Sometimes it is amazing to just close my eyes and go back, remember, relive, remain in that moment, however briefly....

Sometimes it hurts to recall, rethink, redo difficult times....

Sometimes it is magical to re-experience, re-visit, re-invent exciting times...

Regardless the tune, the memory, the moment.... I never regret.... only remember with the knowledge that I lived that and it brought me here today.

And with that.... a video from the Free Our Lady Peace Concert.... But, I think I will return to this idea again in the future... Music and Moments of the past....

Congrats New Orleans Saints

I have spent a lot of time in Louisiana, in particular New Orleans and it is a place I feel connected to for many reasons that those close to me understand. Pre and Post Katrina - Mardi Gras and much more.... I wanted the Saints to win bad.... and I am so proud of them.....

Congrats New Orleans Saints!!!

What an epic game!

Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?

I like to buy treats.

I like to buy cookies, chips, sugary cereals, some icecream, all for when the craving hits, I can just open the cupboard and have a lil' sample to please the desire.

The problem in my house, however, is that my daughter and husband.... well... their cravings hit far more often than mine...

What always ends up happening is I buy what I need and then when I finally have the craving.... the treats are gone. Even when I say DIRECTLY - "Save me the last bowl of cereal" or "Leave the last row of cookies for me" Somehow - they don't.

No one tells me when they're all gone.

No one asks me if they can finish them.

So when the urge hits, I smile to myself, excited to have the special treat to eat when I get home...

...only to be disappointed!

and what's worse, when I point out that I had absolutely ZERO from the box, bag, pint, package... they insist I did.

"There is no way we ate the whole pack, you had some, I know you did"

um - no.... I think I would remember.

You know what else I remember?

My mother... loacking cupboards, locking her room, hiding items... so that us 4 kids wouldn't eat them all. I always thought she was mean and we were deprived... but now.... oh, now I understand....

Today, I am buying a lock and reserving a space just for my own treats.... I am sure that will go over well with my husband.... ha ha ha.... perhaps just hiding a few items for myself would work better?!