Paper Bag Princess

Remember this story? Paper Bag Princess by Robert Munsch.

Here is a summary of the plot from Wikipedia:

Princess Elizabeth was planning on marrying Prince Ronald, who was practically perfect. Then along came a dragon, which destroyed her kingdom, kidnapped Ronald, and burned all her clothes so that she had no choice but to wear a paper bag. She tracked down and outwitted the dragon. She challenged the dragon to burn forests with fire and to fly around the world. The dragon completes the tasks but after flying around the world a second time becomes tired and falls asleep. Elizabeth then saves Ronald. He didn’t even thank her and told her to come back to rescue him when she looked more princessy. Then Elizabeth realized what a bum Ronald was, told him off, and went off to live her own life.

Robert Munsch is genius.

As a child, I read this story wondering why the Prince didn't thank the Princess. Why didn't she make him?

I didn't understand the significance of this story until I was an adult who had loved and lost and conformed and rebelled and finally, figured out (mostly) who and what I was all about.

As a kid, Princess Elizabeth lost all her belongings, fought a fight, outwitted a dragon, saved her true love all for ... well... nothing!

As an adult, I can see now it wasn't for nothing, it was for something most important...

Independence and the realization that a women needs to be alone and put her self number one to discover and grow and learn.

Also... never settle for a bum!

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I had a few boyfriends in highschool and a few in college. There were a few bums, well, there were a lot of bums, though I didn't realize it at the time. I was always very dependent on my boyfriend and in highschool especially felt like I always NEEDED a boy in my life. I had more crushes than I can count and more boyfriends, however short-lived, than I care to recall. There was always this driving force in me that made me BELIEVE I actually NEEDED to have a boyfriend....

Besides all the small, short, temporary relationships I've had three "major" relationships ("major" to me is about 3+ years long) though there was another relationships that lasted a number of years on and off which also meant a lot to me...

We met when I was 16 and became penpals instantly. Soon that developed into more and we always thought life would lead us to "the inevitable conclusion" which was us together. It was long distance and therefore impossible to maintain at 17, despite cross country trips on semester breaks, but we remained great friends (and frequently more) for years.

The last time I saw him was a few years ago and things had changed.

Where once, no matter where we were in our lives, our hearts connected and while reunited it was like no time had passed... now... he was dating his best friend from highschool and felt like the next "reasonable" step was getting married... and having kids... which he did, with her, not me.

To be fair, at this time I was single, with a young daughter of my own and no plans to move to where he was, even if he asked me... our paths separated.

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As for the "major" relationships I can summarize them briefly:

1 - Met and fell in love, had awesome time together, were like best friends, wanted different things, ultimately separated ways on horrible terms. He left me while I was pregnant and alone and lost.... He reappeared when our daughter was 4 years old wanting to have a relationship with her.

2 - Met and fell in love, had a turbulent relationship of extreme up's and down's, crazy fun but terrible fights. He had demon's he could not overcome and ultimately we separated ways. I hoped he could figure himself out and get healthy, instead, he got worse and passed away.

3 - Met and fell in love very quickly, got married and experienced a very stressful year of firsts (dating, married, living together, family, etc.) We will have been married three years in May and though we have our up's and down's we ultimately click. We have many similarities and many differences but we have what matters most... Love... and with that we believe we can accomplish, overcome and resolve any and all issues.

There's my love life in a nutshell... though there are other important relationships I had that taught me much about myself and helped me understand, these are the four that are most significant.

It wasn't until I experienced these good and bad relationships that I could fully appreciate being single and alone. I was a single mom but I was in university, I was working, I had great friends who supported me and I was independent and strong.

I was a mother and a student and a friend and I was HAPPY!

I learned more about myself and how strong and amazing I was. I realized how much I could overcome and accomplish without help from any man or relationship.

I discovered who I was and who my true friends were.

I found happiness was in ME and not in who I was dating.

It took a while, but I got there and then, I met my husband.

It wasn't until I could stand alone happily and willingly that I could be a part of a successful relationship.

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Saying I've experienced my own share of love and heartache feels like an understatement, however, I doubt I'm much different than any other woman nearing 30.

Loved and Lost.... Discovered and Grown.... Lived and Experienced....

I feel like too often women put their ability to be happy in the hands of other men and relationships, when in fact, the only way to find a healthy, truly worthy spouse is to first find a happy, healthy you.

If you are co-dependent or rely too much on others, you can never truly be aware of how amazing you are all on your own!

Of course I couldn't realize this in highschool as I went through dozens of Prince Ronald's... it took time, pain and heartache to learn... but it was the only way.

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So now, reading Paper Bag Princess to my own daughter who is 6, I am enlightened in a way I wish I had seen as a child and I hope my daughter can see when her time comes....

Women don't need happiness in a man or a relationship. They need to find it in themselves.

Princess Elizabeth lost all her fancy clothes and wore only a paper bag, but she was beautiful and strong and smart and even though Prince Bum didn't care... it didn't matter.

She was beautiful!

Find strength on your own.

Find happiness.

Find you!

Personality Type Tests

I tend to vary from ESFP and ENFP.....

You Are An ENFP

The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends. You are also unconventional, irreverent, and unimpressed by authority. Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives. You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're quite the storyteller! In love, you are quite the charmer. And you are definitely willing to risk your heart. You often don't follow through with your flirting or professed feelings. You break a lot of hearts. At work, you are driven but not a workaholic. You just always seem to enjoy what you do. You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist. How you see yourself: compassionate, unselfish, and understanding When other people don't get you, they see you as: gushy, emotional, and unfocused

What's Your Personality Type?

Blogthings: We Have a Quiz for Almost Everything

I tend to vary from ESFP and ENFP.....

My husband, not surprisingly, is an ISTJ

ALL OPPOSITES OF ME (except for S which, as mentioned my tests vary from S or N back and forth depending on which version of the test I take)

Turns out - He and I are best suited for each other.... crazy eh?

Some highlights from my "type" (not surprisingly) are:

General -

They live for the moment, and know how to make the most of each moment. They are genuinely, warmly interested in people, and love to make others happy. They're usually very kind-hearted and generous, and are always going out of their way to do something nice for someone.

They take their relationships very seriously, but also approach them with a childlike enthusiasm and energy. They seek and demand authenticity and depth in their personal relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort into making things work out. They are warm, considerate, affirming, nurturing, and highly invested in the health of the relationship. They have excellent interpersonal skills, and are able to inspire and motivate others to be the best that they can be.

Friendships -

They are usually very popular, because people are naturally drawn towards them. They get such genuine delight and enjoyment from experiences which they encounter in life, and they love nothing better than to draw a crowd of people along with them for the sheer fun of it. ESFPs try to turn every day into a party, and they're usually successful at doing so.

They are highly valued for their ability to have a good time, and for their genuine warmth and interest towards people. They are extremely in tune with their five senses, and may be prone to overload them with too much alcohol, food, or drugs. They get along with all sorts of people, but some people may disapprove of their fun-oriented lifestyle. Others may be put off by their very stright-forward and blunt speaking style.

They are energetic and fun to be with. They are very affirming, and get great satisfaction from supporting and lifting up others. They are idealists who seek authenticity in their personal relationships.

Parenting -

They will freely give love and affection to their children, but they frequently have a problem with defining a structured, orderly environment for them, and they may rely on their mates in this regard. If this trait is strongly present in them, and is not counteracted by their mate's perspective, it could be considered a potential pitfall for the parent. Children need some structure which can be depended upon as they grow up.

They tend to have difficulty with the authoritarian role, preferring to be their children's friend. However, they do expect to be given respect and to be obeyed when necessary, and will fall into the role of parental authoritarian at times. This can be frustrating for some children, especially those with strong Judging tendencies, as they will not know what to expect from their parent.

They are usually remembered fondly by their children for being fun-loving, upbeat, and affectionate, although somewhat scattered.

Romance -

They take any sort of criticism very personally, and consider it to be a general indictment of their character. They may react with anger and harsh words which they would later like to take back.

They say things in a very direct, abrupt manner, and can sometimes even unintentionally seem quite harsh. They like things to be communicated to them in a similar, concrete fashion. They dislike theory and abstraction, and will frequently misunderstand the jist of a communication if it is not communicated in a factual, present-tense manner.

They are in general very warm and giving people, with simple needs and demands from their partners. They just want to be happy, and want to bring happiness to others. They are energetic and popular individuals who will liven up the social life of the couple, and keep many new experiences on the horizon.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ESFP's natural partner is the ISTJ, or the ISFJ. ESFP's dominant Extraverted Sensing function is best matched with a personality that is dominated by Introverted Sensing.

Possible Career Paths for the ESFP:

Artists, Performers and Actors

Sales Representatives

Counselors / Social Work

Child Care

Fashion Designers

Interior Decorators

Consultants

Photographers

Possible Career Paths for the ENFP:

Consultant

Psychologist

Entrepreneur

Actor

Teacher

Counselor

Politician / Diplomat

Writer / Journalist

Television Reporter

Computer Programmer, Systems Analyst, or Computer Specialist

Scientist

Engineer

Differences Between My Two Types -

Same Interaction Style.

ESFPs and ENFPs seek involvement of themselves and others and tend to have the natural facilitative attitude of the "Get-Things-Going" style. They tend to easily fall into facilitative roles. Both tend to use informing language, but ESFPs will have a little more of a drive to immediate tangible action. ENFPs are more willing to talk about things for a while when talking is moving things along. Both want an upbeat mood and love to make others happy.

Different Temperaments.

Differentiating Artisan versus Idealist is key. Often those with ESFP preferences will talk a lot about helping people so they relate to much in the ENFP (Idealist) descriptions. For the ENFP, there are always new potentials to be explored. For the ESFP there are always new possibilities for action and ESFPs don’t want to miss opportunities.

Roles.

Very often the first clue in recognizing the ESFP pattern is pragmatism. Pragmatic means having autonomy and calling the shots on your own actions. It means taking a utilitarian approach to things rather than seeking consensus or adherence to norms—taking independent action.

Language.

It helps to listen for the abstract language of the ENFP, which is about meaning and purpose, using metaphors that many people can relate to while keeping their own unique meanings. ESFP language tends to reference tangibles with specific details when relevant.

Interest in Motive.

Both types are interested in why people do things. The ESFP tunes in to what is in it for the other person, whereas the ENFP is interested in their deeper motives.

Different Cognitive Dynamics.

ENFPs lead with Ne—Interpreting meanings. ESFPs lead with Se—Experiencing and Noticing subtle changes. Both “read” the room. ESFPs notice physical clues to people’s feelings, picking up the actual physical energy. ENFPs may not even notice the physical cues and energy, but will just “know” the meaning of what is or has been going on. Both types will describe the experience as getting a feeling of what is going on. You have to probe a little to get identify which process is being engaged.

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So that's what the lil quizzie says about me - how about you?