Emotional Manipulation and Covert Aggression - "Those" Friends

A good friend and I were recently discussing the absurdity of one of her friends.

We've all had them, that one friend who feels like more trouble than she's worth... the one you know you should drop but for some reason keep hanging on to, despite the emotional strain she puts on the rest of your life.

This article discusses such friends as "Emotional Manipulators" or "Covert Aggression."

It lists and discusses these as ways to identify such people:

There is no use in trying to be honest with an emotional manipulator.

An emotional manipulator is the picture of a willing helper.

Crazy making - saying one thing and later assuring you they did not say it.

Guilt. Emotional manipulators are excellent guilt mongers.

Emotional manipulators fight dirty.

If you have a headache an emotional manipulator will have a brain tumor!

Emotional manipulators somehow have the ability to impact the emotional climate of those around them.

Emotional manipulators have no sense of accountability.

Furthermore, This article: Psychopaths in Sheep's Clothing elaborates on the ideas and discusses various types of aggression and the process of victimization from these types of people.

It's very interesting and hopefully an eye-opener for those of you who have these kinds of friends.

I luckily cut mine out a couple years ago and let me assure you, life got a lot easier and more enjoyable! Once you cut out the bad seed you can develop healthier relationships with your other friends since you are not always "dealing with" that "one" friend... also you can meet new friends who are amazing and brighten your life.

Cheers.

I am impatient

I hate waiting.

I am impatient.

People always think I must have so much patience to be in the career field that I am in, but the truth is, I don't.

I get easily irritated when I have to wait or when certain things don't go as they are supposed too - - - on the flip side, I can be completely laid-back and flexible about other things....

Right now I am at work, after a meeting, waiting to talk with the boss as scheduled and he is in there with someone else.. who wasn't scheduled... so I wait...

and I wait...

and if it wasn't important I would totally just bail then explain later - - - but for real, it is 6:30pm Friday - - - I can't wait much longer, I am exhausted, impatient and getting grumpy!

Grrr...

Cornell's Pi Phi Sorority Dress Code - Hard Core

This is hilarious It is Cornell's Pi Phi Sorority Dress Code.

SEE FULL SIZE HERE

Love no chapped lips or moustaches...Watches... nothing with indiglo or timers "I will have the time and keep you informed" ha ha ha No feather earrings "I know, I'm just saying" lol "Booties if you can pull them off aka probably not" I love that she says to email her a photo to discuss outfits if you are unsure ha ha this is hard-core dress-code eh?

My 'hood

Yesterday I had to go through my old neighbourhood for work and boy was it interesting.

Not a lot has changed, it's still the same kind of area it always was... low income, high crime, troubled.

I drove right through my old complex and saw my old place... my old parking spot, my old staircase, my old front door.

It really took me back, almost to the point of tears.

We lived there when my mom was still a single-mom. She waitressed and us three girls were aged 3, 5, and 8, me being the 8. I went to the local school from Grades 2-5 which for me was a very long time in one place.

We had moved a lot when I was a kid, mostly because of my dad and the trouble he'd find... or create..... but now he was gone and we had a home of our own for more than a year.

I met a lot of friends, I still see some of them today.

I had a lot of babysitters... though most of them did nothing, it was me who took care of us three girls when my mom was at work. Then I'd report to mom what chaos the babysitters got into... smoking, drinking, trying on mom's clothes, boys over... always something...and we'd get a new babysitter.... temporarily.

Most of the families who lived in my neighbourhood were single-parented, if that. Many unemployed, on welfare or struggling as my mom did with a low paying job.

Us neighbourhood kids ruled the 'hood.... with parents working all the time, or passed out after blowing a welfare cheque on booze and sedatives to erase the pain that was their lives, us kids would sneak out, and run wild.

Running wild at that age meant meeting in the forest behind the complex for hide and seek, swimming in the creek, piling into someone's basement to play Super Mario Brothers on the original Nintendo or riding our bikes past our "territory" to the corner store with change we stole from our parent's coin tins.

We had such vivid imaginations, we created a world of our own. We were princes and princesses of our own universe and believed our own happiness, at least until the sun went down.

Even after curfews, if our parents even noticed it had come and gone, we could sneak out and play as late as we liked.

In the winter time we used plastic bags and cardboard to create our own sleds to slide down the hilly snow-covered terrain that surrounded our complex...

In the summer time we would pick flowers and braid daisy headbands, race our banana seat bikes helmetless down the hot cement hills....

We were young and when we were together we were carefree...

Sadly, many of us were not so carefree at home.

We all had our own set of issues... I remember some of the things I saw and experienced, some of the situations my best friends were in.... things no child should have had to endure....

I remember my mom letting friends stay over night, even on schooldays to avoid those situations that were their everyday horrors.... we'd stay up too late, and be tired at school after giggling all night, escaping whatever reality they had waiting for them at home.

Driving through my old neighbourhood yesterday brought back a flood of memories, good and bad, that mad me feel such strong emotions, like it was just yesterday, not over 20 years ago, that we snuck through the forests and hopped along the river...leaving the real world behind.

How I wish sometimes I could just escape the real world and skip rocks along the river, build forts with fallen branches and laugh so hard I rolled down the hill without caring about grass stains.

It was not an ideal childhood for many of us, but we got through it and we overcame it and we learned from it.

I still talk to many friends from back then, we don't often reminisce about the good old days... for those good old days bring back harsh memories for many but I am so glad to know they got out and are still here today.

Misconceptions about teenagers

So... I remember, as a teen, I volunteered in my community, ran events for youth, was a total youth advocate... yet still, I would walk into a 7-11 for a slurpee and get glared at, followed and was assumed to be "trouble."

Granted, I was trouble, but not the kind of trouble the 7-11 cashier suspected.... I was carefree and had no "adult supervision" to adhere to.

See, I moved out when I was still in highschool.

I made my own rules and did what I wanted when i wanted.... the only down side was that my rommie and I were polar opposites.

We were friends, but the only thing we really had in common, besides the ability to get excellent grades without any effort, was that we couldn't live at home anymore and had part time jobs (which we could manage because of our ability to pull in top marks without studying) that would allow us to (barely) survive on our own.

I recall, we had a one bedroom basement suite with avodaco coloured appliances. The walls were this fibery unfinished plywood that were apparently really cool to gaze at while high on acid (so said the roomie)

but, don't get it twisted, she was not the wild one, besides her occasional drug induced trips, she had a steady, long-term boyfriend.... her job... her stuffed animals... and she set up "her room" in half of our pretty large living room.

I got the bedroom, small, but private...

it was a stupid mistake... she had the boyfriend and should have had the privacy of her own bedroom... I had the parties and should have had the openess of the living room, but we chose how we chose.

After too many parties with my friends doing nasty things to her stuffed animals and too many nights of not being able to use my kitchen (which you had to walk through the living room to get to) because the "love birds" were "busy" we realized we couldn't handle being roomates.

We moved on.

We both graduated.

We remained friends.

To this day.

But - oh the teenaged years....

wild, crazy, and even more unusual for me having moved out so young....

everyone else lived with their parents, so coming to my place to party was "the" weekend (and weekday) activity....

I remember one morning after partying a little too hard the night before our vice principal was knocking at our door... yes! We slept through it but got the note on our door and were worried of what he may have seen if he peaked through the windows... oh my!

Again, we still pulled in decent grades, even if we were rarely in class...

Crazy Eh?

We even took in this other girl younger than us who needed a place to stay - though that was short-lived and deffo a story for another day.

Moving Out... Partying Hard.... as a Teen...

I wouldn't advise it....

Now, as an adult, I wonder if my opinions have changed...

Would I let my child move out that young?

No!

Have i become the glaring, suspicious, annoyed adult that can't tolerate teens?

Sometimes.

Let's face it.

They think they know everything (as did I at that age) and are often inconsiderate, rude, cocky and annoying.

Too many of them are given everything they want on a damned silver platter and have no respect for or knowledge of the real world. No work ethic, no manners... they're just punks!

It's hard - being the adult now... looking back at the life I lived.... I often don't even think of myelf as a "real" adult... I mean, I still feel the same... though a lot more experienced and less skinny ;)

I guess because I moved out as a teen, I always had that "responsibility" of bills and housework... yet still managed to keep up with school, work, and partying with friends...

So, as an adult now, i can juggle a lot... I work, am a mom, a wife, and still do a lot of stuff for fun!

So, why can't teens have fun and be themselves without adults assuming they are irresonsible?

I don't assume every teenager is up to trouble, though I do assume they have the possibility to be amazing adults and always hope for the best.

I recall how I felt at that age about adults and try not to be "that" kind of adult.... I try to assume the best about all people until given reason otherwise.

But when that reason comes - watch out!

And too many teens give good teens a bad name... the inconsiderate, rude, cocky and annoying teens...

I just tell them to fuck off!

Mouthy Mandy

I need a place to rant.

Non-specific

No worries

Just straight up bitch fest about what I wanna bitch about.

This will be that place.

be warned

Personality Type Tests

I tend to vary from ESFP and ENFP.....

You Are An ENFP

The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends. You are also unconventional, irreverent, and unimpressed by authority. Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives. You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're quite the storyteller! In love, you are quite the charmer. And you are definitely willing to risk your heart. You often don't follow through with your flirting or professed feelings. You break a lot of hearts. At work, you are driven but not a workaholic. You just always seem to enjoy what you do. You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist. How you see yourself: compassionate, unselfish, and understanding When other people don't get you, they see you as: gushy, emotional, and unfocused

What's Your Personality Type?

Blogthings: We Have a Quiz for Almost Everything

I tend to vary from ESFP and ENFP.....

My husband, not surprisingly, is an ISTJ

ALL OPPOSITES OF ME (except for S which, as mentioned my tests vary from S or N back and forth depending on which version of the test I take)

Turns out - He and I are best suited for each other.... crazy eh?

Some highlights from my "type" (not surprisingly) are:

General -

They live for the moment, and know how to make the most of each moment. They are genuinely, warmly interested in people, and love to make others happy. They're usually very kind-hearted and generous, and are always going out of their way to do something nice for someone.

They take their relationships very seriously, but also approach them with a childlike enthusiasm and energy. They seek and demand authenticity and depth in their personal relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort into making things work out. They are warm, considerate, affirming, nurturing, and highly invested in the health of the relationship. They have excellent interpersonal skills, and are able to inspire and motivate others to be the best that they can be.

Friendships -

They are usually very popular, because people are naturally drawn towards them. They get such genuine delight and enjoyment from experiences which they encounter in life, and they love nothing better than to draw a crowd of people along with them for the sheer fun of it. ESFPs try to turn every day into a party, and they're usually successful at doing so.

They are highly valued for their ability to have a good time, and for their genuine warmth and interest towards people. They are extremely in tune with their five senses, and may be prone to overload them with too much alcohol, food, or drugs. They get along with all sorts of people, but some people may disapprove of their fun-oriented lifestyle. Others may be put off by their very stright-forward and blunt speaking style.

They are energetic and fun to be with. They are very affirming, and get great satisfaction from supporting and lifting up others. They are idealists who seek authenticity in their personal relationships.

Parenting -

They will freely give love and affection to their children, but they frequently have a problem with defining a structured, orderly environment for them, and they may rely on their mates in this regard. If this trait is strongly present in them, and is not counteracted by their mate's perspective, it could be considered a potential pitfall for the parent. Children need some structure which can be depended upon as they grow up.

They tend to have difficulty with the authoritarian role, preferring to be their children's friend. However, they do expect to be given respect and to be obeyed when necessary, and will fall into the role of parental authoritarian at times. This can be frustrating for some children, especially those with strong Judging tendencies, as they will not know what to expect from their parent.

They are usually remembered fondly by their children for being fun-loving, upbeat, and affectionate, although somewhat scattered.

Romance -

They take any sort of criticism very personally, and consider it to be a general indictment of their character. They may react with anger and harsh words which they would later like to take back.

They say things in a very direct, abrupt manner, and can sometimes even unintentionally seem quite harsh. They like things to be communicated to them in a similar, concrete fashion. They dislike theory and abstraction, and will frequently misunderstand the jist of a communication if it is not communicated in a factual, present-tense manner.

They are in general very warm and giving people, with simple needs and demands from their partners. They just want to be happy, and want to bring happiness to others. They are energetic and popular individuals who will liven up the social life of the couple, and keep many new experiences on the horizon.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ESFP's natural partner is the ISTJ, or the ISFJ. ESFP's dominant Extraverted Sensing function is best matched with a personality that is dominated by Introverted Sensing.

Possible Career Paths for the ESFP:

Artists, Performers and Actors

Sales Representatives

Counselors / Social Work

Child Care

Fashion Designers

Interior Decorators

Consultants

Photographers

Possible Career Paths for the ENFP:

Consultant

Psychologist

Entrepreneur

Actor

Teacher

Counselor

Politician / Diplomat

Writer / Journalist

Television Reporter

Computer Programmer, Systems Analyst, or Computer Specialist

Scientist

Engineer

Differences Between My Two Types -

Same Interaction Style.

ESFPs and ENFPs seek involvement of themselves and others and tend to have the natural facilitative attitude of the "Get-Things-Going" style. They tend to easily fall into facilitative roles. Both tend to use informing language, but ESFPs will have a little more of a drive to immediate tangible action. ENFPs are more willing to talk about things for a while when talking is moving things along. Both want an upbeat mood and love to make others happy.

Different Temperaments.

Differentiating Artisan versus Idealist is key. Often those with ESFP preferences will talk a lot about helping people so they relate to much in the ENFP (Idealist) descriptions. For the ENFP, there are always new potentials to be explored. For the ESFP there are always new possibilities for action and ESFPs don’t want to miss opportunities.

Roles.

Very often the first clue in recognizing the ESFP pattern is pragmatism. Pragmatic means having autonomy and calling the shots on your own actions. It means taking a utilitarian approach to things rather than seeking consensus or adherence to norms—taking independent action.

Language.

It helps to listen for the abstract language of the ENFP, which is about meaning and purpose, using metaphors that many people can relate to while keeping their own unique meanings. ESFP language tends to reference tangibles with specific details when relevant.

Interest in Motive.

Both types are interested in why people do things. The ESFP tunes in to what is in it for the other person, whereas the ENFP is interested in their deeper motives.

Different Cognitive Dynamics.

ENFPs lead with Ne—Interpreting meanings. ESFPs lead with Se—Experiencing and Noticing subtle changes. Both “read” the room. ESFPs notice physical clues to people’s feelings, picking up the actual physical energy. ENFPs may not even notice the physical cues and energy, but will just “know” the meaning of what is or has been going on. Both types will describe the experience as getting a feeling of what is going on. You have to probe a little to get identify which process is being engaged.

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So that's what the lil quizzie says about me - how about you?