Sunday, August 21, 2011


Lately, I get angry.

Not violent.

Just hateful.

I think in my head how much I hate this or that.

Or... more often, how much I hate a person for this or that.

It is so unhealthy, I know - but fuck, people are mental!

Recent Pet Peeves (and I am taking a huge risk as people may read this and go "oh shit that is me" but I will be as vague as I can)

-not following through with promises
-making false promises
-back stabbing
-being two-faced
-being passive aggressive

ok so I was REALLY vague.... but grrr... i hate people!

One Example:

A girl I know will totally hate on people, make fun of them for doing stuff then turn around and do the same thing.

This same girl is clingy and then a total bitch when she finds a new person to cling to (usually one of my friends) FURTHERMORE she has to brag and lie and one-up and it makes me wanna shout in her face and call her out on her stupidity but I can't because that would just cause drama and we have far too many mutual friends.

Another example:

A person who I totally trust and who promised to never do something I hate recently did that thing. They don't know I know and I shouldn't know but I found out and it is pissing me off. I want to confront said person but I know they will either get mad I found out and back pedal to justify it, or write it off as no big deal and say I am blowing it out of proportion

Another one:

A person I know, not really a friend, who is so self-absorbed and delusional about life, this person is a pathological liar and they don't even SEE their own lies, even when caught in lies this person tries to weave out and act like they never said original lie. This person is also a one-upper, bragger, but so obnoxious literally no one can stand to be near them.... yet for some reason I do and then constantly get let down and/or irritated and angry

One More:

A guy I work for seasonally thinks I am his personal assistant. He will call me 24/7 and expect a prompt answer or reply. If I don't call him back before he calls a 2nd time (2 seconds later or 2 hours later you never know with him) He will leave his stupid fucking message about being disappointed and how I should be more active for the money he pays me and how will the business grow if I can't even answer my phone - really? go fuck yourself!


Outside there is some drunk girl singing - - - I want to go to sleep but he is fucking singing - i want to throw rocks out my window at her but I have no rocks inside and I am out of eggs, plus if I miss it will make a mess.... grrrrrr

SO - - - - What is up?

Is it me?

Am I the one with anger issues? Do I need to re-eval and develop coping mechanisms for my anger?

or is it that the world is fucking irritating and I just have the worst luck of being surrounded by morons?


Please advise!

Friday, August 12, 2011


I love camping.

But let me tell ou what camping means for me...

It is NOT pitching a tarp or tent in themiddle nowhere.
It is NOT digging a hole to use as a bathroom, it is NOT even using an outhouse...

No, MY CAMPING involves running water, flushing toilets, tents and trailers, a paid for camp site, 24 hour security, a lake, a beach, a camp stove and a market on site for daily ice, charcoal and cold soda mixers for my booze.

Yes, that is my camping, though my husbands calls it an "outdoor motel" I think it is fabulous.

We do not hunt or fish our own food. We do not deal with wild animals, our worst concern is if our neighbours are jerks.

I love Golden Ears, Cultus Lake and other type locations to camp in BC.

It is family fun without too much sacrifice ;)

What is best is that these locations are less than 2 hours from my home and friends and family can come for day visits.

I just got back from 4 glorious days at Cultus Lake where I read, swam, walked, visited with friends and family and just enjoyed sitting on the beach or by the campfire... I still had my blackberry for tweets if needed, but I also had the fresh air and outdoors to enjoy.

It was awesome!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

12 Qualities of Happiness

Remember MySpace? Well my best-friend Miss J was going through her old blogs on myspace, remembering the "good ol' days" and so I decided to do the same.

My original MySpace was deleted years ago by MySpace and I was devestated I lost all my blogs, photos and memories... which to this day still upsets me! To be honest, after that, I never trusted or liked MySpace again!

Anyhow, here is something I found on her blog that really applies...

so.. my mum is reading this book.. and decided to send me bits of it...

12 Qualities of Happiness

1. Love. This is the wellspring of happiness, renewable and everlasting. We often think that being loved is the best feeling in the world, but it's the second best. The best is loving someone else. Love is the polar opposite of fear, emotionally and neurologically. Thus, it is the antidote to fear and the first step towards happiness.

2. Optimism. Optimism provides power over painful events. I used to think it was an attitude: seeing a glass half full instead of half empty. But that felt artificial, a mere trick of perception. Then I suffered the worst event of my life. My son died. I thought the light had left my life forever. However, in my despair, I realized that my son had left me a legacy of love that was mine forever and that if I could survive the loss of my child, nothing else could devastate me. When I realized this, I found that every hurtful event holds lessons, and that the more it hurts, the more you learn. Thus, I discovered the true meaning of optimism. Optimism is realizing that the more painful the event, the more profound the lesson. Once you bring this knowledge into your heart, you can never look at any event as all bad. Optimism gives you power over fear of the future and over regret for the past.

3. Courage. This is your strongest weapon for overcoming the split-second power of the fear system. You can't rise above fear without courage because fear is hardwired into your neural circuitry. There is no such thing as a fear-ectomy. If fear is eternally programmed into your brain, though, so is courage. It comes from the neocortex and is a product of the spirit, the intellect, and the higher emotions of love and generosity. It is nature's natural balance for the fear that has helped us survive. It's the quality that allows us to thrive.

4. A sense of freedom. Nothing fills the soul like freedom. Freedom is choice, and choice is what makes us human. When we choose, we define who we are. Everyone has the power to make choices, but unhappy people don't know they have it. They think it's only for the rich. It's not. I've met a thousand rich people who didn't feel free. Choice is available to anyone who has the courage to exercise it.

5. Proactivity. Happy people participate in the own destinies and forge their own happiness. They don't wait for events or other people to make them happy. They're not passive victims.

6. Security. Happy people know that nothing over time lasts-not money, not approval, not even life itself. So they don't measure security with a calendar or a calculator. They simply like who they are. They're not slaves to popularity, longevity, or financial status. They know that security is an inside job.

7. Health. Happiness and health are interdependent. It's hard to be happy if you don't feel healthy, and its hard to be healthy if you're not happy. Of special importance for happiness is healthy mood chemistry. You can have a happy life and not even know it if you're tortured by faulty mood chemistry. An imbalance of the neurotransmitters serotonin and dopamine, for example, can mask the happiness that lies beneath it.

8. Spirituality. Happy people arent' afraid to go beyond the boundaries of their own lives. They let go, and welcome extraordinary experiences. They have markedly less fear of death. They're not concerned about dying -- they're concerned about not living.

9. Altruism. Unhappy people are usually too self-absorbed to be altruistic. But happy people know how good it feels. It connects you to others, gives you purpose, and gets you outside yourself.

10. Perspective. Unhappy people tend to see things in absolute terms and often can't distinguish small problems from big ones. Happy people see shades of gray, and they know how to prioritize their problems and turn them into possibilities. They don't lose sight of life's big picture during the bad times.

11. Humor. Humor is a shift of perception that gives people the guts to go on when life looks its worst. There is an abandonment in it that is close to enlightenment. It lifts suffering off the heart and hands it to the intellect and spirit, which alone have the power to heal it.

12. Purpose. Happy people know why they're here on earth. They're doing the things they were meant to do. If they died today, they would be satisfied with their lives.

after reading it... I think I've realized part of my problem as of late....

I've lost my happy.

I really liked reading this for a few reasons. One, it is so true, every single thing in there can determine happy or not. Two, it was sent to my best-friend by her mum, who is no longer with us, but it shows her struggle to find happiness and share it. Three, I have been feelng down lately and really feel like this is a good pick-me-up.